im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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