You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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