Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
