dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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