I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
