listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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