The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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