and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
