I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I want is dick and wine.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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