I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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