i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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