New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
