Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
