i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
