I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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