this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
