she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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