That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
