Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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