i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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