The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
