the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
