glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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