The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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