i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
