he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
