Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
