Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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