I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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