I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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