maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
