I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
