There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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