waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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