Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
