that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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