I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
