After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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