i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
