Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
