in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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