Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
