I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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