It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
