i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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