8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
