It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
