question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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