I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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