There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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