Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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