im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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