i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
